We've been in and out of the hospital too many times that i have lost count, he's 6
Let me give you a brief summary.. ill do this on a bulleted form...
● born premature at 32 weeks
● stayed at the nicu in an incubator for the first 3 weeks of his life and 1 week in nursery.
● I was once advised by a doctor that the best thing we can do is talk to him and pray to God.
● diagnosed with PDA and was operated 2 mos before his 2nd birthday
● several confinement, doctor visits and lab tests
● Sept 2016 was diagnosed that he has acute myocarditis after 8 days in the hospital he was released and was advice against all physical activity
● Jan 2017 was diagnosed with rheumatic heart and was admitted for almost 2 weeks.
● Every 21 days he gets shots of penicillin
And today we are now back again in the hospital.
Currently diagnosed with acute myocarditis.
As a working mom, I know that I work because thats the only way we can afford all of his hospital bills. However, being away from him feels like cheating.
He hates injection! Who doesn't? Right. But he hates it so much that it breaks my heart whenever the nurses and doctors has to restrain him and as he calls my name, feels like the world crushing me down... asking me to stop them. Asking me why do he have to go through this too many times. Telling everyone that he hates them. And recently the most painful words "patay ako, patay ako"
I almost broke down, it felt that my son is already giving up and who am I to ask him to keep fighting when he's already tired..
After he has settled back in our room and he started to calm down, with all my strength I did my best to bring myself together and as we talk he sounds ok... I know that he is only 6 and might be just saying those words earlier out of his fear of needles but I cant hide the fact that for a little kid he has gone through so much in his 6 yrs and I know his pain, and if I can just take all of it I will do in a heartbeat...
Am I selfish to continue on asking him to fight. To encourage him to be strong. To tell him that he is doing a good job. That he should get better soon so that we can all go home
Maybe
No
I am selfish.
I love him. He is my life. I need him.
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